Dang me...dang me...tie me to a rope and hang me...

*March 4th*
I'm sick of Texas. Seriously. I've been here for over a week and all I've done is drive back and forth from one location to another.  In trucking, that's known as a "dedicated run". Pretty sweet gig for the most part. Especially if you are home every night. Right now, I'm not at home and if I gotta be gone, I wanna see more of America. It's been interesting viewing the subculture of truckers. It really is. For many of these people, they live out here. Several I have talked to said they don't even have homes, they just drive all year around. Hardcore. Unlike me. Actually, today has been better. Got to utilize the face to face messenger thingy on my smart phone with my wife. That helped. It also helps keeping up with my friends.  Their messages and texts have been a real life line. I also have been keeping up with a few of my pals from the school I went to for my certification. They're also nervous, tired , and trying to put their arms around this. I think about them often. If anyone of them came walking into this lounge right now I'd be overjoyed. Anyway, off to the cab. Got a 6 hour drive to Houston at 11pm. Oh yeah.....truck stops have some of the best, cheesy, non-ironically hip shirts you can find.

*March 5th*
Not a bad day. Drove the usual route. Not exciting but it's getting my hours needed. Drove it pretty good. I really enjoy when we get hooked up and get out of the city. The interstate is enjoyable. Probably because it's easy..haha. Typical me. But I did drive in the rain through the busiest part of the day. So not just wasting my time. The city experience will help when I'm pulling into NYC or LA. And maybe....I think Steve is warming up to me. Maybe. Doesn't matter I guess.
   Another reason it's been good is because some vital contact back home. I have a great circle of loved ones. But mainly, I'm doing better dealing with being away from my wife, and our home, Ellie, and the 4 legged crew.
   "Cold Gin" by Kiss has been in my head all day.  I saw a clip of Gene Simmons and his solo band playing some songs at a comic book convention. It was actually pretty bad ass. Now, all I wanna do is hear that first Kiss record. On my turntable. In my office. As I make Mexican chicken for us, and my wife asking me if her avacado is too ripe or just right. That scenario is worth a million dollars to me right now.

*March 6th*
9:25 pm. Last minute 7 hour run from Houston to Palestine, pick up a load of raw chicken,  and then onto San Antonio.  Gotta be there by 6am. We'll get there with time to spare. Already made it to Palestine. Waiting to get loaded.  I wanna go get it done so I can get up in my bunk. Stay focused Jeff...there is a payoff. 

*March 7th*
So that ^^^ just happened. I wrote that about 12 hours ago. Brutal 7+ hour trip at the last minute with no warning and not the right amount of sleep. Also, navigator kept me on Texas state highways. And for those who might be curious, Texas doesn't give 2 shits as to whether or not their state highways are kept up to standard. Makes me appreciate NC's  addiction to orange highway barrels. I complained earlier about being tired on the easy route we had been on for half the week. Learned my lesson there..haha.
    I'm now thinking my partner/trainer Steve maybe isn't quite so warmed up to me after all. I'm also now thinking I don't give a shit. Maybe I should. After all, his disapproval of my performance could be a stumbling block. It's doubtful . I don't know what he thinks to be honest. All I know is this....I'm knocking this shit out of the park.  Yeah maybe I downshift to the wrong gear occasionally or eat the edge of the curb. Maybe I grind a gear here or there. But it's been almost 2 weeks since I've seen a friendly face, touched my wife, had a good meal, or had 7 consecutive hours of decent sleep in an environment cooler than 79 degrees. That last minute emergency 400 mile trip still happened. By me. Suck on that.
    Is anyone reading this shit?

Mama tried...mama tried....

Tonight's dinner and a movie consisted of a Cobb salad and Lethal Weapon in the lounge of a truck stop in Texas. Instead of my wife being my date, it was an empty stool at the counter of a Dennys. The salad was good. The empty seat..not so much. I find out tonight that Dusti, my wonderful lady, organized and coordinated a gathering of my side of our family for a birthday dinner for my mom's birthday. Thinking about that right now is a little too much to think about. Moving on.

Well just a few short hours after posting my initial entry, the gears of this machine start turning quickly. I was given my papers and told to meet my new partner, Steve, at a Flying J truck stop right outside of Dallas at 1 a.m. in the morning. That was 2 days ago. The reality of this hit me like a ton of bricks. Both in a good way and a bad way. On one hand, it's a lot to learn. Not so much the driving. That's actually pretty natural. But all of the computer and trip planning stuff is Chinese to me. I'm sure it'll make sense at some point. But right now it doesn't seem possible. Its only day 2 of my 6 week stay out here. Now....you may think to yourself "It's easy...just put the destination in your navigator and there's your plan." Nah. See...the government now has 836,754,394 rules that restrict the amount of time we can be out here on the road. You have to account for sleep, breaks, duties relating to the trip and the vehicle, fuel stops, weigh stations, and cleaning chicken blood out of the bottom of a refrigerated trailer if there's any. Plus...the customer also has the audacity to want their product picked up for delivered during a time frame. It's over whelming at this moment. I'm hoping to read this in a year and chuckle. No laughs right now. Just cold sweat anxiety attacks.

On the other hand, I was riding in the passenger seat of our rig this morning across Texas as the sun was about to come up with Buck Owens playing on the radio. The picture of that moment in my head won't ever go away. Not to mention my riding partner Steve as part of that moment. Steve is a 61 year old ex Marine with long gray hair in a pony tail, scraggly beard, and faded tats. Personality matches the appearance. He seems like a solid cat. Typical old school trucker that grunts when he answers but insists on flirting with every cashier and gate clerk between Houston and Sherman, TX. It's fun to watch. Me and Steve won't be partners for long. He goes on break in a week and I'll be reassigned. But for now, I'm soaking up as much as I can from him. Oh yeah...and I'm not taking it for granted that he has XM satellite radio and all that we listen to is old country. All day...every day...every mile.

Reading back on this just now, it seems a little too serious. It's not. In all honestly, this has been harder to deal with than I'd like to admit. I have 5 or 6 weeks of not sleeping in my bed and seeing my wife.  Typical trucker life. It comes with the territory. I know. Working on it. Truth is, if I left home with my boys and was playing music or doing something I knew something about, I'd be a little more chipper. Right now, my time is dominated with working, studying, testing and trying to build something close to a comfort zone. Right now...I don't have one. Don't take yours for granted. That, and the people in your life. They make your days easier to handle.

Happy birthday Mom. I'll see the rest of you in a few days and a few miles from now.

Sloppy Joes

Sloppy joes. Who came up with this shit? I didn't even know they were still a thing. Wouldn't a good ole American burger be easier? Have less calories? TASTE BETTER? I'm sure I liked them when I was a snot nosed kid. But now I'm 43....sitting in a classroom in Tex Ass....and eating this god awful slop. I shouldn't be surprised. This really falls in line with the rest of these less - than - ideal accommodations.  Yesterday when I arrived at the crackhouse known as our hotel, I noticed we had NO towels. My polite call to the desk to ask about getting more was met with a cold and steadfast "no". So me thinking she had a delivery issue, I assured her that I would easily have no problem  coming to get it. An even louder "NO". The guy they threw me into a room with agrees we have it bad. Oh yeah, my roommate.  Ok...here's the deal. I'm in Dallas for orientation with my new employer. So they save money by corralling us 2 into a room. And by room,  I mean apartment complex for lots of seedy individuals who partake in all that the street has to offer. In summary, I'm eating substandard cafeteria slop, and sleeping in your standard pay weekly roach motel. But hey, I DO have half a roll of toilet paper.

I rationalize all of this by saying it's a good precursor to life on the road as a long haul truck driver. Yeah...that's another thing I might should have mentioned. I'm a trucker. Almost. I am licensed. And hired. But technically I have yet to be paid to drive on the open road in an big rig. That should change in a day or so. See, I left a good stable job back in NC. And I put my wonderful life on hold and put my wonderful beautiful wife in my rear view mirror for something that hopefully pays off. Sooner rather than later. This wouldn't have been possible had I not had the sincere rubber stamp from my woman. I miss her more than a person should be allowed to feel. But we both rolled the dice on this trucking thing. With the sacrifice I'm making now, I have to make sure that I am getting the most out of my opportunity. Sloppy joes and crack houses aren't that bad. But being away from my awesome home life better be worth  all of this.

Why did I write this in blog form? I could of easily just posted on Facebook.  But I felt it important to chronicle the next 6 months of my life. I want to be able to look back on my mindset at the beginning of this adventure and recognize just how drastically different I am. I suspect I'll be a little more confident and lot less nervous. I wish I recorded other important shit like this from the beginning. Also...there's a couple of people  back home who might wanna know the mundane minutiae of my life.

Right now I'm occupying a small amount of space in Limbo...waiting on my partner and truck assignment. The next entry will be from a truckstop. Shit's gettin' real....