You Don't Buy Me Out, I Buy You Out!

*March 30th*
     Colorado to Kansas. Not a long trip.  I think I scored maybe 6 driving hours. Some are better than none I suppose. I enjoy driving out here. It's calm...flat...peaceful. I'm basically being paid to sit on my ass and hold a steering wheel. Not a bad gig. I really earn my money in the mountains and in the Northeast. But out here its enjoyable and beautiful. I imagine I'll be in heaven when I'm out here as a solo driver WITH satellite radio.
    As we take the small 2 lane highways, which I now enjoy, we pass through small towns every 30 minutes or so. They all have boarded up BBQ joints that didn't survive due to lack of population.  Each of them have a single gas station. Atleast one very operational liquor store and even bar. (We went through one town in Texas that had nothing...except 3 bars on the same block!) But they always seem to have, and usually operating, antique/junk store. I'm a sucker for these places.  As we pass by them, I almost look out the window to them with puppy dog eyes and just assume that THAT particular antique store has $3 Ramones records, bad ass guitars and amps for the taking, and all other manner of 60s and 70s pop culture goodness that I'm attracted to. El Hadj doesn't have time for stuff such as that. While I admire his skill and rare work ethic, I think it's important to stop and smell the roses (or Kiss records with all the inserts...or Elvis "Moody Blue" on rare black vinyl..or.....)
    We got the word: Colorado to Kanas, then onto Oakland, California. By my calculations, this should give me all that is required to leave the training phase and be a solo driver.  It'll also mean I'll be heading back to Kakalaky in about a week. Within one week, I'll go from the barren cornfield waste land of rural Kansas, to the rough world renowned streets of Oaktown, and back to my front porch in Concord. I haven't enjoyed every minute of this. But I can't claim it's ever been boring.

*March 31st*
   Not sure where. I'm not driving.  I THINK Oklahoma. We should be making our way into New Mexico. I should be driving as well. SHOULD...is the operative word here. I shouldn't be that way. El Hadj isn't stingy with the driver's seat. Hell...why would he be. He gets paid for the miles I drive. On a good day...I earn him $180. Not a bad deal for a trainer.
    I often think about what life would have been like as a trucker 30 years ago. Cell phones and GPS navigation has completely upgraded the profession and industry.  Perhaps for the better but probably also for the worse to some degree.  Luckily, I made my bones (Godfather reference..Moe Green!) reading maps as a kid on road trips to Indiana and when venturing out after I hit 16 years old. My employer wants us to know this stuff so I'm already set, and have proven it. In our trucks we have navigators that tell us where to go. We really have no choice if we wanted to. But I've made most of my trips just by maps and written direction. Plus...smart phones. We really have minute by minute communication to our homes. 2 decades earlier, I imagine truckers lined up at the pay phones with a handful of quarters. I can't say I look down on this aspect of modernization.
     Speaking of back home, I'm looking forward to reconnecting with friends. I have been chatting with a few of them when I can. Some are recording records. Some quit their long overdue shitty jobs. Some are waiting on me get back so we can play music again. Most are living life like always, except they wonder when we can get up for some fellowship. Their texts and messages have kept me afloat at times I didn't even know what state I was in or what day of the week it was. I haven't always made the best choices, except when it comes to who I pal around with.

*April 1st & 2nd*
    In Berkely, CA on my way to San Francisco.  Antique stores are weirdly not opened on Sundays. But the world famous Amoeba Records is. I just left the location in  Oakland and now heading to the bigger spot in SF. Uber style. I think if I had to visit any place in California for leisure , it might would be here. That's if I had the desire to be here in a non-working capacity.  Which is doubtful. But..it is nice.
    I'm doing my first real touristy activity in over a month. We got to our destination a day early and I told El Hadj I was getting away from the truck for a few hours. Giving him a break as well. I know I'm such a delight to be around 24/7.....but everyone has their limits. I'm out here now on the West Coast with a somewhat better attitude.  3 weeks ago when I was here..I was still adjusting to being away from home. I should be seeing my wife in about a week or less. So now I'm a little happier.
    I'm now in the countdown phase of my training. Ready to go solo. Ready to move on and ready for the next 5 months to come and go so that the REAL reward for all of this to appear. I enjoy driving and I think I'll be even happier when I'm doing this with my routine. I'm gonna stop this for now so I can look out the window as I go over some famous bridge into SF. My buddy Jason Griscom wouldn't forgive me if I ignored it. In the spirit of my current location, peace maaaaaan!
    

Amos Moses Was A Cajun

*March 27th*
   Atlanta, GA.  Made our final destination after picking up in NJ. Waiting on word for where we are next. They seem to want to keep us rolling so I'm sure we'll know shortly. Doesn't really matter today to me. I can't drive anyway as I'm out of legal driving hours.
   Ok...here we go. Atlanta to Gainsville, GA, then off to Dallas, Texas for delivery. Not bad. About 900 miles. Cake walk really. But again...I won't be doing any of the driving.
   So yesterday was interesting. For several reasons. For one, I went down a long, steep mountain. It's in the stateline town of Fancy Gap, Virginia. Now here's the thing. I know Fancy Gap quite well. The band I was in a decade ago passed through there quite often. And besides just knowing how it's a steep mountain...we've also broke down there, hit a deer there, AND slept in the parking lot of a motel there. So...it rang loud when it was announced I'd be driving down it. I have to descend 2 major mountains. And using what we truckers call a Jake break..or engine break. The kicker here is..you can only use that braking method on dry pavement and with a load. Well..we were rolling with 78,000 pounds. However...IT WAS POURING. Cats and dogs. So we still have to go down it because..well...trucks don't stop for rain. I just didn't get credit for it. Oh yeah..heavy fog. Maybe 30 feet of visibility.  So let me paint a more broad, easier to understand picture.  I had to navigate down an 8 mile stretch of very curvy mountain in the pouring rain with fog so thick I could barely see in front of me. ALSO...with every car and big rig around me driving like they're some roadcourse race car driver in Europe. Now truckers will say "Go in a low gear". Aha. That was considered. And would of been no problem.  Except, going THAT slow with that bad of visibility greatly increases the chances of someone slamming into us from behind. Which, is also something we wanted to avoid. So our only safe, realistic option  was to go down at a respectable 45mph, in 7th gear. But in 7th gear, gravity and physics will do their job and speed you up. Truckers can't just stand on their brakes the whole time. There is so much force and so much weight to control, that they'll either fade and become usless...or catch fire. Neither one is acceptable. So we use the tap and release method. It's taught.  I don't know if all seasoned drivers use that method...but I do. Anyway...I was doing that and for the most part I kept control of my rig and maintained speed.  Alright....right?  Well, brakes are not powered by hydraulic fluid. They're powered by compressed air. Which is done and store in tanks on the truck itself.  However....with the tap and release method...you can use more air than you have stored and can replace. Which was what happened in my case. After about 6 miles, the terrifying "low air" buzz started. Now El Hadj knew we'd be alright. We were almost there and still had enough air to make it. And the practical part of me also knew this. But damn if it didn't pucker me right the hell on up. It was an experience.  And one I needed and am grateful for. But...it sucks I endured it and get no official credit.  Oh well.
   Regardless,  I was coming home. Well...driving through home I should say. Just seeing I-77, NC licence plates and billboards for Bojangles was enough to warm my heart. But the real treat was that for 30 of the best minutes in a month...I got to see my wonderful beautiful wife at a truck stop in Charlotte. It was as cruel of a 30 minutes as it was wonderful.  But so worth it.  She's the first friendly face I've seen in a month and just happens to be the one I wanted and needed to see the most. I know I don't sound like a typical hardened trucker. But maybe because I'm not typical. Or really even a trucker..haha.
   Anway..it was a real treat. And honestly, credit where it's due, El Hadj was not only agreeable, but insistent that I see her. Which is odd seeing as how I don't get into deep conversation about my private life with him. And also odd because I have gotten the feeling for several weeks that he doesn't like me too much. Actually, we've gotten along alright for the last 2 days. Maybe he likes me more now. Maybe he thinks I'm improving. Maybe I am improving. Maybe it's a combination of all of that.  Maybe it doesn't really matter. I decided that a week ago. However, a little peace on the temporary home front is nice.
   As I type this...a purple rig with a silver trailer pulls into the holding lot we are in. It says Kates Transport on the side of the tractor and trailer. A little old lady about 70 gets out of the driver's seat. She clocks in at about 5 foot tall and maybe 95 pounds soaking wet. And...clad in a pink construction helmet and bright pink safety vest. Haha. The shit I see.

*March 28th*
   I-20 West. Just crossed into Texas. Yippie. Feel my excitement?  Not a fan of this side of the state. Now West and North Texas? Beautiful. But you can have Dallas, Houston, and Austin.
    Today I did almost 9 straight hours from Alabama all the way to the TX/LA border. It was my first time in Louisiana. Really flat and green. An easy drive. I enjoyed it. It's hot and miserable outside. But our AC works good. As I was driving through Bama, Mississippi, and Cajun country...I couldn't help but look at the swamps and fields and imagine Muddy, Willie, and the Wolf living close by...working the land and playing the only music they knew..the blues...on front porches and liquor houses. Especially in the Southern most part of the Delta. I was looking around for alligators in Louisiana. But no...no gators. Just a shit load of dead armadillos. Iron clad possums.
     Out here things are about the same. Getting more experienced. The peace is still standing between El Hadj and myself.  He even said he saw real improvement in me. Which...might be somewhat true. But NOT being overbearing from day one would have brought that around a lot sooner. But whatever..I'll take it. I prefer my last week or 2 be smooth.

*March 29th*
    Springfield,  CO. I just got off a 9 hour driving shift. El Hadj took over. Load has to be in Aurora Colorado by 10 am tomorrow. I mean...today. It's a little past midnight.  I'll be hitting the bed in a little bit as El Hadj drives through the night. Don't go feeling sorry for him. He's napped and socialized the whole time I've been driving. Anyway, that's the job today. Tomorrow...something new will come in. I'm hoping West Coast.
     I've mentioned being fond of North and West Texas.  Today around 8 pm I was driving state highway 287 North. About 30 minutes before Amarillo. It's flat. 3/4 of your vision is taken up with the sky. It's so open and massive. As I was trucking along today and the sun was going down. It cast probably the most magnificent red, pink, orange, and purple sunset I've ever seen. The clouds directly overhead were illuminated bright magenta and looked like pink cotter candy hanging from the sky. Over in the direction of the fading sun, everything between me and the glow was black. Every few seconds was a different postcard picture.  Every telephone pole, power line, tractor, windmill, farm house, weather vane, and fence post was a silhouette. I wanted to take a picture but realized that the camera wouldn't do it justice. It would almost be an insult to misrepresent it. Anwyay...as I spent 20 minutes in constant awe, the John Williams music from Star Wars when Luke is standing on the ridge on Tattooine started playing in my head.  This story isn't going anywere. No punchline or underlying theme. I just want to remember it.
     When not looking at the North Texas scenery, I daydream about being back in NC. Being home. Having my wife. Seeing my family and friends.  Having my cat wake me up in my bed. I dream about it more because it's close to happening. I'm drawing down on this phase of the plan and I can't say I'm sad about it. I have a good life. And it's waiting on me to get back.

We Were Just Another Band Out Of Boston

*March 24th*
     I-70 East...Illinois. Rolling to Syracuse,  NY. El Hadj is driving, as I am still needing to reclaim a few hours of my government mandated break. I'm against a lot of government regulation. But, I see the need for a law making truckers get at least 10 hours of sleep. Since we are traditionally paid per mile, many truckers would try and push themselves to the limit to make as much moolah as they could. It's a public safety thing and I'm fine with it. Even though it does get hard to dance around. Anyway, I'll be driving here in a little bit. Makes me happy. It just puts me closer to my wife and my home. But I do hope the wind calms down a little.  It was knocking me all over the road. A big trailer catches a lot of wind from the sides. Luckily for me, we have a lot of weight to help keep us on the road.
    So yesterday, the drummer of the rock band Boston died on stage while playing. Not trying to turn this blog into an obituary...so bear with me. Anyway, I remember when the singer, Brad Delp, died. He barricaded himself in room, turned on a gas grill and died of asphyxiation. I'm no fan of the band. So, in timely jerk-wad fashion, I proceed to make jokes about it. For years actually.  It helped that one of their big hits was a song called "Smokin". Fast forward roughly a decade, and an uncle of mine decided to end his life. Suicide. And he did it almost the exact same way as Delp. Not so funny anymore. Then, over the following few years, people I know well die unexpectedly. The deaths and loss of Denny, Joe, Cosmo, and Peigler really changed the way I feel about how precious life is. And how easily it can be taken away. So...in 2016, I decide to be a trucker of all things.  And here I am now, 64 mph down a windy highway in Illinois in a 70 ft monster that weighs 75,000. A wrong judgment can easily kill me, or worse, innocent people. It really makes buckling up so much easier. It makes slowing down, being in less of a rush, less of an option and more of a requirement.  I don't want to kill anyone or myself. And I don't want my wife to be a widow. So, it makes me think I am glad I decided to do this at 43 years old, rather than when I was in my 20s and making fun of death.
   On a less serious note, but very sincere, I mentioned my uncle. Well, another uncle on the same side of my family, he was a trucker. For a long time actually. My mom's brother Gerald has always been special to me. Not just because he was a great guy with a heart of gold. But sometimes, with no warning, me and my siblings would be coming home from school on the bus, only to turn the corner and almost have the whole street blocked off with his rig. This was exciting. We loved having family visit us out in the boonies. But also, the whole bus would be fixated on the 18 wheeler in front of our house. "Yeah...that's our uncle's truck. No big deal. Yeah of course he let's me drive it around the neighborhood." Anyway, my Aunt Sue and Uncle Gerald are healthy,  very happy and still running around the country. But now for liesure. It's pretty much the exact scenario that I want to play out for my wife and I.

*March 25th *
    Syracuse,  NY. It's about 9:00 am. El Hadj is still asleep.  We're sitting in the holding lot of the last place we just delivered. They're letting us park here. I wish we were at a truck stop though, as I really need a cup of coffee. It's cold and rainy. There's nothing really major to report. Hell, I don't think we even have a new load assignment. I hope when they give us one that  takes us way out West.  That means lots of driving and lots of miles. And, I hope they dispatch us soon. Sitting around just means I'm wasting time.
    Four weeks ago on this very day, Dusti  (my wife) dropped me off at the airport to begin this...um...adventure. It's been 4 weeks since I've seen my wife, seen any family or friend, seen ANY friendly face, watched tv, slept in a good bed, ate a home cooked meal, relaxed, laughed, or any of the other things that make life worth living. By my calculations though,  there is no real reason I shouldn't be at home on my couch in 2 weeks.  It's a goal for me. I'm cranky...sorry.

*March 27th*
   I-81 South...around Roanoke, VA. It's raining and we have 78,000 pounds on us. El Hadj is driving. I've been behind the wheel so much lately that I have to sit in the passenger seat for a while. Legal stuff. Not enthused about that. But it is what it is..as the saying goes. Anyway. Been in Roanoke before.  Played music here a few times. Also know people here and from here. Hey Roanoke.
    So yesterday after I wrote that we didn't have an assignment, we got dispatched to Kearny, NJ. Right across the water from NYC. From there to College Park, Jawja. South. More on that in a minute.  So anyway we arrive (me driving ) at our pick up point. Directions say to meet the pick up at a truck stop beside the destination. Easy enough huh? Nah.... We call dispatch and they say those are bad directions and to go into the destination next door, check in, drop and hook then roll.  Easy enough huh? Nah.... They tell us that we are not on the list and that we need to call dispatch, set up a pick up at the previous truck stop, and wait for an approved driver to meet us. Easy enough huh? Nahh...  So El Hadj calls dispatch. Gets a DIFFERENT guy. He immediately lays into him about us going into the final destination...haha. Now...we did nothing wrong. The problem was faulty communication and information on their end. But El Hadj looked at me, serious as can be and said, "Some people need to learn how to talk to others." Hahaha. I quietly was laughing like a manic inside. Good god that's rich. Ok bud. Oddly enough, he was humbled for quite a while. And it didn't help he blundered big time as we were driving out and gave me bad directions. He accidentally sent me us through downtown Newark, NJ. A tight fit. He was sweating it. I didn't enjoy driving it but loved his reaction . Don't get me wrong....he was back to his normal asshole self in a few hours. But it felt nice to have him down on my flawed level for a little while.
   Anyway, going to Georgia....we are passing through Charlotte. I'm choked up just thinking about being there in a little bit. Even better, El Hadj offered to let me stop and see her for a little bit. Pretty nice of him actually. Uncharacteristically actually. Anyway,  the thought of seeing her is almost too much to describe right now. So I'm not.
      I don't really feel like writing anymore today.

What Do You Mean Im Funny? Do I Amuse You?

*March 21st*
    Rolling West on I-44...somewhere in Missouri. Or like the old woman says in Outlaw Josey Wales, "Mizzurah".  I rolled this heavy Freightliner for 10 hours and 46 minutes today.  Legal limit is 11 hours. The load is important and has to be in Texas tomorrow morning. We actually swapped loads with another driver because he couldn't take this one. The one we had, also was going to the Lone Star State. But, the appointment for delivering it is Friday. Which meant we possibly could of been waiting around for a day or 2 until they were willing  to receive it. So I'm glad we switched. Waiting around means delaying my progress in this torturous training regimen. Ok...torturous is a little mellow dramatic. But if you've read any of this, you know I ain't diggin' it.
   I've gotten some really good feed back from people, both public and private, about what I've been writing. It's appreciated. I'll say again..it's more for my own record. I don't fancy myself a writer...but I enjoy it. And it's nice to know people are keeping up with me. It really says a lot about the people in my life. I sometimes feels a little self absorbed always writing about me me me. But this has some purpose.  So that makes me feel a little less like an ego maniac.
    Things otherwise are going as good as they can be right now. I'm ahead of schedule in my training. I've got way more driving hours than where I should be at this juncture. And me and El Hadj are getting along as good as we ever will. Take that for what it's worth. My friend Darrin remarked that some of my problem might be with the culture clash. And it's very possible that's the case. But it doesn't really matter. What I needed to fix between us was on my end. And I did.  I got my balls back.

*March 22nd*
   Vernon, TX. North Texas to be exact. Been sitting here all day. After we completed our shipment this morning, there's been a delay in getting our next assignment.  That's not a good thing in trucking. Especially in my position. I need those wheels turning. Gotta move on. If I was paid per mile, I'd be making no money. I guess it's a good precursor to my approaching reality.
    It hasn't been a total waste. Got to work on a bunch of my online exams they throw atcha with each level acheived. So I'm caught up there. Also, I spent a little bit of time scrolling around job sites for jobs available to me 5 months from now. See...I'm here until the end of August.  After I'm through with my obligation here,  I am free to look elsewhere for employment.  Which has been the plan all along. It's never been my intent to be a life long OTR driver. I just want the experience so I can get better jobs...BACK HOME. I'm not in this for the long haul. There's plenty of available option for people to make good money in the industry. But most want 6 months over the road. Which..I'm doing now. 5 more months tho, I'm back home. Full time. Thankfully I spotted several options close to home that would be perfect. Sure...they'll evaporate before I get there..but more will appear. My big fear in all of this is that I was wrong and I have to be a long hauler for a long time. What I saw today, I'm safe.
   Good god Texas is hot. It's still March.  Jeeezzz...
   Ok...so the above was written earlier today. We rolled outta Texas around 4:30 pm. Destination...Dodge City, Kansas. El Hadj picks out a route from the atlas. it's Hwy 283 North. Thing is tho....the map doesn't tell you you're going to end up stopping 300 times because of each little piss ant town along the way. Whatever...doesn't bother me. Hours are hours. Anyway,  as we are riding slowly through the little town of Sayre, Oklahoma. ...I see a chubby kid, looks like he's about 12, on his bike in the parking lot of a convenience store  that's been out of business for 20 years. I can see his shit eating grin 6 blocks away. He's there stopped on his bike, and he's making the honking motion with his hand. I think to myself, "Sorry kid, El Hadj back here will probably raise hell if I do." Then I thought to myself....you know what...to hell with that. That kid IS me 35 years ago. I would of been doing the same thing and it would of made my day. And then probably I would have told my siblings,  listened to a dubbed Def Leppard cassette, drawn another comic book creation, and waited for mom to finish making dinner which would have consisted of salmon patties, jippy mac n cheese, and lima beans. That kid on the bike was me. So instead of pulling over, getting out, and explaining every good and bad choice I've ever made which lead to that exact moment.....I honked. Twice. Caution to the wind. The Joe Peschi commentary in my head was saying "who gives a shit?"  Actually, his majesty. He piped up from the back "What is going on???". In a tone that left NO room for discussion, I replied "This kid on his bike wanted me to. So I honked." Haha..he waited a minute to rethink his response. "Ah yes...that happens from time to time."  That's right Hadjy, get back under your rock. I got this shit.

*March 23*
    Rolling heavy outta Kansas. 75,000 pounds. The law says 80,000 is the max for this rig. Heading to Massachusetts. El Hadj is driving. Not the happiest about that.  He claims I need to get familiar with the atlas and planning out trips. That too many new drivers don't know how to do their job without their GPS navigator. And that maybe true for the most part. But I hate to break it to ole Hadgy, I was zipping around the Eastern half of the U.S. with a worn out gas station fold out map back when he was cleaning elephant shit out of his front yard. But that's fine, I'm playing the game. Gimme the map.
     Oklahoma doesn't get enough credit for being beautiful.  I spent 4 hours yesterday driving a small 2 lane highway through what felt like a western movie. I could see John Wayne or Robert Duvall  herding cattle through the Red River right at the OK/TX border.
     It's well established that I'm more than half way through this training period. It feels good to be winding down. Me and my trainer continue to have our skirmishes.  Words have been said and I genuinely feel he doesn't like me. But...he DID refer to me going solo in a few weeks. So....it doesn't sound like he's planning on snagging me up with an unfavorable grade. Of course,  I'm not an imbecile.  I know a bad grade also reflects on his ability to teach. Funny how that works huh?

And Let Tell You Something Else, My Kraut Mick Friend..

*March 18th*
    Chuck Berry is dead. Just found out. Wouldn't say I'm bummed. He lived a good long time and made his mark. Thee creator of rock n roll guitar. You wanna start throwing other names at me, don't.
     Now that I got that heartfelt eulogy outta the way, onto the exciting world of Jeff's trucking adventure. For a second, I considered not putting the following out for public consumption. Then I remembered that it's not for public viewing, but for my own personal account. That made it easy. Anyway...yesterday was bad. I have really started to dislike El Hadj. Last night I was tore up. My nerves were shot. Not from driving,  but from my trainers endless over reacting. To say I don't jive with his teaching methods would be an understatement.  Fact is, I admitted to myself last night that I've been walking on egg shells for a week. Scared to death to get on his shit list. See...I learned that people in professional situations can and will make your life hell if they don't like you personally. My last job had a guy like that. So this whole week, I've basically been playing the bitch.  It's not like me to be that way. Last night I went to bed in my bunk with a several hour long brainstorming session running through my head trying to figure out a way to successfully bail on this plan and still get use out of my CDL. At some point, I drifted off to sleep.
    As the sound of another nearby truck revving it's engine wakes me up this morning...something hit me. This whole ordeal has been hell for 2 reasons. First off..it's not driving the truck. I like driving.  And I believe I'm good and going to be great at it. For one...it's the seperation from my wife and my life back in NC. But that pain isn't going anywhere. Nor do I want it to.  The other factor that's made this hell is the training situation for 5 or 6 weeks. Living with a stranger who's whole job is to criticize and scrutinize my every action. I've let it consume me. The thought of having one of these guys fail me on this has had me so rattled, that it's distracted from utilizing one of my greatest strengths....not being scared of the unknown. I haven't been deserving of my wife's praise. She has credited me and supported me by bringing up how strong I have been. I have not. But I am now. I basically had to bitch slap myself. Kinda like when Vito Corleone smacks Johnny Fontaine. "Acta likea man!"  El Hadj is a man. A human being. By most accounts, a decent guy. One who deserves the respect I've given him. But I'll be damned if I allow myself to accept less than the same respect.  And yeah...even if it gets me in hot water with the company I work for now. People smell fear. Even if they don't mean to feed off of it , they often still let it affect their actions. El Hadj has sensed fear in me. No more.
    As for today? Smooth as butter. Not one cross word. I don't know if he's sensed it in me, but he's watched his tone. I really wanna like him after this is all said and done. And I probably will. But I know for sure I'm gonna respect  myself when it's over.
      Does that previous sentence sound too "after school special" and make me sound full of myself?  Don't give a shit...it stays.

*March 19th*
     Connecticut delivery is on the books. Heading to upstate NY to pick up a load and go back toward Texas. I saw the route we're taking. There'll be no swing through Bojangles country. :(
       I've officially gone coast to coast now. And driven the majority of it myself . It's an odd feeling. A 10 hour drive would wear me out. Now 10 hours is just a day of work. My perspective of this country is reshaped to a degree. For the most part..it all looks the same. Of course there are exceptions, but I can't look at a stretch of highway in Olathe, KS and a stretch in Greensboro, NC and tell you the difference. California definitely has its own characteristics. The Northeast is easy to tell. And the desert is well, the desert.
   But I've seen some amazing things that most people might roll their eyes at or take for granted because of their subtle significance. Half a dozen baby elk grazing in a field 30 feet from the interstate. Thousands of acres of wind farms, all turning in unison in West Texas as the sun is going down. The grass covered mountains in wine country of California surrounding picturesque lakes that look like the labels on the $3 bottles of wine. But you know what flipped me out more than anything? A ring neck pheasant on the side of the interstate in Oklahoma.  I don't know why. I guess I never saw one...or thought they existed in the wild. Did I assume they were an exotic animal only viewed in captivity? Probably so. I've never claimed genius status. But of all the things I have seen that have left an impression on me, the one thing that I want to see the most is in Concord, NC.
      It's been 22 days since I've seen my wife. This better be worth it.

*March 20th*
     Columbus, Ohio. Some random parking lot. El Hadj is from Columbus and says he prefers parking here. Lots of room and the owners are cool with truckers docking here for a night. I don't know. Kinda sketchy.  The gas station beside us has had 4 different cop cars pull in and circle around. Now that I think about it, they may be responding to reports of some even more sketchy hoodlum walking around talking on his cell phone wearing work boots, black shorts, and tshirt from Los Alamos NM.
    Today I ran 10 hours. From upstate NY to Columbus. Pretty impressive I say. Actually El Hadj once offered up one of his rare compliments saying that most people don't have the stamina to start off driving 10 solid hours a day. I'll take it. Fact is, I enjoy road trips. That was one of the selling points I used to convince myself that trucking was a good idea. But yeah....NY to OH. It's wet here. When we left out this morning,  it was in the teens and 15 foot high mounds of snow all throughout the Wal Mart parking lot that we crashed in.
     Hey...I just did you, the reader, a big service. I just erased way too much mundane dribble about my food options that I spent 15 minutes writing.  You're welcome. In a nutshell, I've lost 25 pounds in 3 weeks. There ain't jack shit worth clogging my arteries with out here. Not at these truck stops anyway.

Carry On My Wayward Son

*March 15th*
    Coachella, CA. So they have a music festival out here huh? Plenty of room for it. I wonder if the festival site is close by. Has Bono or Sting been on this very road? Are those guys still making shitty music to be forced onto us when we buy iPhones? Sorry...my mind wanders.
    So we got the order that we had a few pick ups out here in California before heading to Connecticut to deliver them. This is taking longer than expected. We show up yesterday to a farm in Bakersfield around 1 or 2. Almost no trucks here. 5 hours later and dozens of trucks coming and going since we arrived...we get the call to back up to a dock. But the fun doesn't end there. We double check the BOL (bill of lading) with the original order acknowledgement.  Looks like they gave us way too much red leaf lettuce.  Now...this is a problem . We can't just take it. So we call our company...they call the company we're at AND the receiving customer to see what is the best course of action. We're hoping they tell us to roll. Nahhhhhhh. An hour later...we are instructed to back up to the dock and have them correct the load. Another hour. Basically we stayed here all day...doing mostly nothing. I told El Hadj that I think I pissed off the girls in the shipping department when I proudly and prominently displayed my wedding ring, signaling to them to look elsewhere. It was a joke. I have a dry sense of humor and that never goes over well with people who have no sense of humor.
    I haven't spoken too much about El Hadj. He's alright. Seems accommodating enough. He's a Muslim from some West African nation who are French speaking.  What's funny is, when he's talking to me or anyone else in English, he talks very calm and normal. When he's in the phone with family or friends, then he's around the 98 decibel mark talking at the speed that would even lose an auctioneer. He prays 6 times a day and most of the truck I have to be without shoes. Some Muslin praying tradition. I'm not shitting on it. It's just the way it is. I honestly don't mind. It's his truck where he lives, and I'm just a temporary guest. VERY temporary.
   I hope we roll soon. I'm chomping at the bit to get back East. Once we get there, we will be given an order to pick up something close by and take it somewhere else. I'm hoping to go South.  It would thrill me to pop into the house for even 20 minutes. If not that,  then atleast let me swing past a Bojangles for a biscuit, seasoned fries and a tea. Even if that did pan out..it would be atleast a week before it happens. Sighhhh...

*March 16th*
     I-40 East, Somewhere in New Mexico. Been rolling since 7am. El Hadj is driving. I'll take over afterwhile. Pretty flat and uneventful. I like it that way. Yesterday in Arizona, I got a real work out going up and down mountains, navigating between trucks going slower than me, and those going faster. My downshifting game is really getting worked on. Good. I wanna be prepared for when we hit the Rockies in a day or so.
     This isn't my first time in New Mexico. The wife and myself came out here in 2016 for our honeymoon. We had a great time driving around for 6 days. It kinda makes this bittersweet, but still enjoy being out here. It's beautiful.
    I'm really starting to miss music. El Hadj doesn't seem to interested in using the radio. Now, the initial response is that "Man...I'd just say something. " Well, 2 things here.  First off..I got to play REAL nice. Not make waves. He has the power to make or break me with the stroke of a pen. Literally.  Second...I don't want to potentially have to hear what HE wants to listen to. I'm a snob. If I have to hear something I hate...I'd rather hear nothing.  And feel free to accuse me of stereotyping,  but I don't see El Hadj being the type to wanna hear Alice Cooper, George Jones, or Motorhead. So I just suffer...in silence.

*March 17th*
    St. Patrick's Day. Some 2 lane highway in Kansas. For some reason I sing songs relating to the state I'm in. Yesterday I was singing "You're the reason God made Oklahoma." This morning I'm in Kansas. So there's on one if 2 songs it could be.
    Had a good driving day yesterday. Made a lot of miles and hours which are important to this current assignment, and my training requirements. Really dialing in this gear shift now. It's tricky, especially for downshifting.  These 8 speed gear shifts in these big rigs are far less forgiving than those of the 6 speeds in 4 wheelers. I got put in the drivers seat later in the evening. I have to prove I can also drove at night. Got in 6 straight hours without pulling over once. And we did it on small state highways in Texas, Oklahoma,  and now Kansas. The thing about taking the back roads is that you have to stop and slow down  every small town you go through. At first it was a drag. But it really helped with my gear work. EL Hadj, much like my previous trainer, doesn't tell you when he sees growth and improvement.  You just know it by the fact that they're not saying anything. That's fine. We (my trainer and I) actually had some minor words. He got mad at me for making a wrong move. It was all an honest mistake that was due to him not being very clear about his direction. But he didn't think so at first. He wanted to make a big deal out of it saying I wasn't listening. I explained to him why I got confused and he wasn't having it. He stormed off to the restroom. When I saw him a few minutes later, he came up and apologized and said he realized that he wasn't being exactly clear. I accepted that. As an adult...as a man...you accept an apology of another person that is humbling themselves to do so.
    This whole training ordeal has been a real test of my weak ability to back down when I feel or know I'm right. Even in school, we had an instructor with a Napoleon complex who felt the need to bully everyone...students and fellow instructors. He didn't intimidate me. But I stayed clear of him best as I could. Not because I feared him, but because I know how I respond to shit like that. I would of normally told him exactly what I think of him and his inability to effectively teach. With many colorful words. But...I knew that would impede my progress.  Much like some of these little skirmishes out here on the road. So it's safe to say, I've been biting my tongue so much it's starting to leave marks.
     Tomorrow night this load has to be in Connecticut.  I think that's  pushing it myself. When El Hadj is driving, he stops way more than I do or require. Everyone I walk into a truckstop, I glance around hoping to see one of the guys from my driving school in NC. Good god I would love to see even one familiar face. I saw a guy yesterday and his truck had Fayetteville, NC listed as its home base. I wanted to go shake the guy's hand and talk NC for a bit. But around these parts, he might think I wanna shake something else. 
    

Pink Champagne On Ice

*March 12th*
      I've sat here in the passenger seat of this Freightliner for 10 minutes trying to come up with something witty to start this off with. I got nothing. Drove over 10 hours today. Left out of El Paso TX and drove straight, through New Mexico and Arizona, then finally California.  Over 600 miles. I'm beat. Haven't had a good bite to eat in 2 days. My new partner Hadj is cool I guess. But he's not too much into radio. I have considered asking him about it, but not sure I wanna open Pandoras Box on that one. Steve's XM satellite radio spoiled me. I'm on the West Coast for the first time with 2 stops in Los Angeles in the mid morning before day break. Then a 400 mile jaunt north for the 3rd load to empty us out. I'm cranky. Goodnight.

*March 13th*
     Malpitas, CA. Northern California. Left out of L.A. this morning having just eaten one bad ass authentic breakfast burrito from a joint that wouldn't get even a 60% sanitation grade, if they were into that sort of thing out here. They say stuff out here costs more than the rest of America. Maybe, but their Mexican food is cheap as hell. The rest of California so far? Whatever. I mean...not to be dismissive....but it's never been a place I aspired to visit. It was cool to see the scenery that I've seen on TV and in movies. Houses jutting out of the sides of the So-Cal hills. The grass covered hills in wine country. Mountains that I'm pretty sure I've seen in episodes of M*A*S*H. And I think I saw the Hotel California hotel. But other than that...it's been pretty boring. Well...except for the burrito in East L.A.
      I'm looking forward to getting my own truck. If I have to be away from my wife, my family, and my friends....then I want to be totally alone. Nothing against my partners so far. But this will be easier and more enjoyable when I don't have to be around anyone else. I am learning what I can from everyone from my first day in class until now. But the cohabitation thing that I dreaded the whole time is as bad as I feared. It's only temporary. It's only temporary. It's only temporary.
     Things otherwise are right on track. I'm ahead of schedule with how many training hours on the road I need. I've driven on the West Coast and driven down one of the 2 required mountains with a heavy load. All I need now is another mountain descension, a North Eastern city drive, and about 178 more driving hours before I'm set free to drive alone. I found out today that tomorrow we pick up a load of baby carrots around Bakersfield, CA and go straight to Connecticut. That should help a lot.
    It's funny, just finding out that I'm going to be in the same time zone as my wife in a couple of days makes me feel better. You know....I use to be a real hard ass. What happened?!?

*March 13th*
Bakersfield,  CA. Waiting to get loaded up so we can head back East. Sitting in the cab in the heat, this a.c. unit is doing absolutely nothing. And people live here. I don't get it. Everything you touch has a light film of dust on it. My old opinion was that I'd probably deal  with the heat out West better because it wasn't as humid. WRONG. This shit is for the birds.
    Today has been a bore. And I'm  battling a touch of a cold. This dust isn't helping. I know..."wahhhhhh".
     Kinda numb today. Hope this is something I'm phasing into. I've missed my wife and home life for over 2 weeks now. It's been embarrassingly painful deal with the seperation anxiety. Today I've just been blah. Blah is a lot easier to deal with than longing and heartache.  It's reminiscent of when you get your heart broken by someone you're in love with and the first few weeks are complete torture. Then one day you wake up  and move about, only to realize it's been 5 minutes and you haven't once gotten sad. I hope that's the way this is heading. Don't get me wrong, I still miss home like crazy. My wife, our home and family and friends are the most important things to me. It's just that today, I haven't  had a lump in my throat or a knot in my stomach thinking about them. But the day is still young (...and hot...and dry...and blah blah blah).
   Yesterday I thought that I saw the building used for the cover of the album "Hotel California" by The Eagles. Anyway, it reminds me of a story told to me by my friend Jeff. He and his band (Antiseen) were over in Europe on tour and every night, everywhere, was techno dance music in the clubs and on the street. This went on for weeks. One day they were walking down the street of some city in Europe, and playing inside a bar (which could be heard from the outside) "Hotel California" was makings it's way into their ears. And at that moment in time,  it was pure musical gold. Now for some perspective,  the Eagles are generally a dismissed musical act by anyone who really knows anything about music. "Hotel California" is among the top of the trash heap of classic rock radio over-saturation. But in that moment, the familiarity of home was priceless. I got what he was talking about at the time. But brother....I'm living it today.

White Lightning, Not Mountain Dew

*March 9th*
I should feel bad about that truckstop breakfast burrito I just scarfed down at the Flying J here in, you guessed it, Texas. Loaded with all sorts of calories, carbs, grease, and sodium.....it provided me with nothing of nutritional value. But alas, no guilt. I've lost a few pounds since being out here. It's a conscious effort on my part to not gain any more weight at all of these greasy spoons located within these fuel stops. I didn't think I'd be down in pounds  as much as I am. I'm not complaining. Lord knows I have enough of a surplus to not worry about wasting away. That burrito I just had may not be the best for my goal...but it sho wuz good. After 7 days of beef jerky and pre-made salads, I needed something decadent. I'm also coming off of 8 glorious hours of wonderful sleep in the night time hours with a cab temperature of around 70 degrees. Probably the best sleep I've had since I left NC. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about now. Apparently hunger and sleep deprivation can affect your mood.  Who'd a thunkit? I think Steve is a little annoyed because the shipper we were picking up from was suppose to call us when the trailer was loaded. They didnt. It caused us to hook and go about 3 hours later than expected. 3 extra hours of good sleep. Breaks my heart.
   Feeling good feels pretty good. I miss my wife and my home tho.
   An hour after writing that^^^, Steve and I boogie on down the highway. On the radio, "White Lightning" by George Jones starts playing on the radio. As soon as it starts...we look over at each other with huge smiles. Completely unplanned, we both start singing along by the second verse..haha. The song starts fading out, and I'm feeling kinda gay and awkward about our impromptu sing along. BAM...."The Battle of New Orleans" is on next. Why ruin a good thing? Away we went. If this trucking thing goes South...we got an act ready to go. Hey..a comfort zone. :)

*March 10th*
Rolling through Texas at the moment. The last few days have been alright. Pretty uneventful. Just working on my skills, which have gotten much better. Especially my downshifting. When driving through Dallas rush hour traffic, you really have no choice but to pick it up. My backing skills still need improving. But I'm noticing at truck stops and loading docks, even seasoned truckers aren't good at it.
     I've been out with Steve for 9 days now. According to my training counselor,  I'm ahead of schedule in my training. Good. It gets me closer to making good money and driving my own truck. Today or tomorrow Steve will drop me off at the company headquarters where I'll be assigned my next trainer. More than likely I'll be put on a plane, sent to some destination, then shuttled to a truckstop to wait for my next partner.    We'll see. I'm just rolling with the punches at the moment. I hope I like my new trainer.  You hear horror stories about some of them being real assholes. I like Steve. He can be kinda grumpy as it gets closer to the evening. But that's fine. I'm not overly sensitive. I sure am gonna miss his XM satellite radio. The soundtrack for the last 9 days has been old country music. In fact, almost stereotypically,  "Six Days On The Road" by Dave Dudley is playing as I type this. I will be procuring the means to have this in my truck.
   Anyway, gotta put this down for now. I gotta look out the window and think about home while some sad song plays...haha.

*March 11th*
    Here at the terminal in Dallas. I bid Steve a farewell last night as he dropped me off at the hotel close by. No pleasantries...no parting words of profound weight. "Be good". Haha. That's fine. Not gonna particularly miss him either. I learned some good things. I also learned that nobody is impressed with the "cranky old vet" schtick. I already met my new partner. Seems alright. We just shook hands. To be totally honest, I was shamefully hoping they would assign me on Monday. Some time off is needed. Badly. Now I jump in the truck in a little bit to take off. Now I have to relearn some new guy...his personality....his routine....his cab temperature. I hope this guy values and understands the importance of sleep. This shit is weighing on me. Last night at the Motel 6 I had a whole room to myself that was very well cooled. Damn it was glorious.
    I try to look on the good side. A new guy MIGHT be easier to be around. I'll get through this probationary period faster now that we're doing real long hauls.  Then I'll be released to my own truck where I'll be sent home for a week. That's the prize my eye is focused on right now. The next time I write here, I should be out of Texas. Should be....

Dang me...dang me...tie me to a rope and hang me...

*March 4th*
I'm sick of Texas. Seriously. I've been here for over a week and all I've done is drive back and forth from one location to another.  In trucking, that's known as a "dedicated run". Pretty sweet gig for the most part. Especially if you are home every night. Right now, I'm not at home and if I gotta be gone, I wanna see more of America. It's been interesting viewing the subculture of truckers. It really is. For many of these people, they live out here. Several I have talked to said they don't even have homes, they just drive all year around. Hardcore. Unlike me. Actually, today has been better. Got to utilize the face to face messenger thingy on my smart phone with my wife. That helped. It also helps keeping up with my friends.  Their messages and texts have been a real life line. I also have been keeping up with a few of my pals from the school I went to for my certification. They're also nervous, tired , and trying to put their arms around this. I think about them often. If anyone of them came walking into this lounge right now I'd be overjoyed. Anyway, off to the cab. Got a 6 hour drive to Houston at 11pm. Oh yeah.....truck stops have some of the best, cheesy, non-ironically hip shirts you can find.

*March 5th*
Not a bad day. Drove the usual route. Not exciting but it's getting my hours needed. Drove it pretty good. I really enjoy when we get hooked up and get out of the city. The interstate is enjoyable. Probably because it's easy..haha. Typical me. But I did drive in the rain through the busiest part of the day. So not just wasting my time. The city experience will help when I'm pulling into NYC or LA. And maybe....I think Steve is warming up to me. Maybe. Doesn't matter I guess.
   Another reason it's been good is because some vital contact back home. I have a great circle of loved ones. But mainly, I'm doing better dealing with being away from my wife, and our home, Ellie, and the 4 legged crew.
   "Cold Gin" by Kiss has been in my head all day.  I saw a clip of Gene Simmons and his solo band playing some songs at a comic book convention. It was actually pretty bad ass. Now, all I wanna do is hear that first Kiss record. On my turntable. In my office. As I make Mexican chicken for us, and my wife asking me if her avacado is too ripe or just right. That scenario is worth a million dollars to me right now.

*March 6th*
9:25 pm. Last minute 7 hour run from Houston to Palestine, pick up a load of raw chicken,  and then onto San Antonio.  Gotta be there by 6am. We'll get there with time to spare. Already made it to Palestine. Waiting to get loaded.  I wanna go get it done so I can get up in my bunk. Stay focused Jeff...there is a payoff. 

*March 7th*
So that ^^^ just happened. I wrote that about 12 hours ago. Brutal 7+ hour trip at the last minute with no warning and not the right amount of sleep. Also, navigator kept me on Texas state highways. And for those who might be curious, Texas doesn't give 2 shits as to whether or not their state highways are kept up to standard. Makes me appreciate NC's  addiction to orange highway barrels. I complained earlier about being tired on the easy route we had been on for half the week. Learned my lesson there..haha.
    I'm now thinking my partner/trainer Steve maybe isn't quite so warmed up to me after all. I'm also now thinking I don't give a shit. Maybe I should. After all, his disapproval of my performance could be a stumbling block. It's doubtful . I don't know what he thinks to be honest. All I know is this....I'm knocking this shit out of the park.  Yeah maybe I downshift to the wrong gear occasionally or eat the edge of the curb. Maybe I grind a gear here or there. But it's been almost 2 weeks since I've seen a friendly face, touched my wife, had a good meal, or had 7 consecutive hours of decent sleep in an environment cooler than 79 degrees. That last minute emergency 400 mile trip still happened. By me. Suck on that.
    Is anyone reading this shit?

Mama tried...mama tried....

Tonight's dinner and a movie consisted of a Cobb salad and Lethal Weapon in the lounge of a truck stop in Texas. Instead of my wife being my date, it was an empty stool at the counter of a Dennys. The salad was good. The empty seat..not so much. I find out tonight that Dusti, my wonderful lady, organized and coordinated a gathering of my side of our family for a birthday dinner for my mom's birthday. Thinking about that right now is a little too much to think about. Moving on.

Well just a few short hours after posting my initial entry, the gears of this machine start turning quickly. I was given my papers and told to meet my new partner, Steve, at a Flying J truck stop right outside of Dallas at 1 a.m. in the morning. That was 2 days ago. The reality of this hit me like a ton of bricks. Both in a good way and a bad way. On one hand, it's a lot to learn. Not so much the driving. That's actually pretty natural. But all of the computer and trip planning stuff is Chinese to me. I'm sure it'll make sense at some point. But right now it doesn't seem possible. Its only day 2 of my 6 week stay out here. Now....you may think to yourself "It's easy...just put the destination in your navigator and there's your plan." Nah. See...the government now has 836,754,394 rules that restrict the amount of time we can be out here on the road. You have to account for sleep, breaks, duties relating to the trip and the vehicle, fuel stops, weigh stations, and cleaning chicken blood out of the bottom of a refrigerated trailer if there's any. Plus...the customer also has the audacity to want their product picked up for delivered during a time frame. It's over whelming at this moment. I'm hoping to read this in a year and chuckle. No laughs right now. Just cold sweat anxiety attacks.

On the other hand, I was riding in the passenger seat of our rig this morning across Texas as the sun was about to come up with Buck Owens playing on the radio. The picture of that moment in my head won't ever go away. Not to mention my riding partner Steve as part of that moment. Steve is a 61 year old ex Marine with long gray hair in a pony tail, scraggly beard, and faded tats. Personality matches the appearance. He seems like a solid cat. Typical old school trucker that grunts when he answers but insists on flirting with every cashier and gate clerk between Houston and Sherman, TX. It's fun to watch. Me and Steve won't be partners for long. He goes on break in a week and I'll be reassigned. But for now, I'm soaking up as much as I can from him. Oh yeah...and I'm not taking it for granted that he has XM satellite radio and all that we listen to is old country. All day...every day...every mile.

Reading back on this just now, it seems a little too serious. It's not. In all honestly, this has been harder to deal with than I'd like to admit. I have 5 or 6 weeks of not sleeping in my bed and seeing my wife.  Typical trucker life. It comes with the territory. I know. Working on it. Truth is, if I left home with my boys and was playing music or doing something I knew something about, I'd be a little more chipper. Right now, my time is dominated with working, studying, testing and trying to build something close to a comfort zone. Right now...I don't have one. Don't take yours for granted. That, and the people in your life. They make your days easier to handle.

Happy birthday Mom. I'll see the rest of you in a few days and a few miles from now.